Letting go and Winner {s}

Went for my last long run before the Hollywood Half Marathon.
10 miles.  It was rough.  I have a sinus infection and it is kicking my ...derrière..

I saw the Dr Friday to get lab results and I am so frustrated with her I think I will change Dr.  I feel like I am an experimental project and she does not know what she is doing. Here's an example:  A month ago she prescribed meds that were supposed to clear a fungal infection in the stomach that she does not know if  I have it or not.  She had given me other supplements to take and also increased my thyroid meds so I decided not to take the meds for fungal infection.  I hate to take meds and if it is for something I may not have, well not thanks.  So when I went in Friday she tells me my thyroid is still not good and I need an ultrasound and than she starts asking me if I drink more alcohol now...hmmm NOW?  NO I don't drink at all.  I have not had a drop since 2009 and even before then I hardly drank anything.  So I asked where this is coming from and she says something with my liver and does not really explain.  Then I tell her I did not take those meds for fungus and she says "Good, don't take them, would not be good for your liver!"  WTH? WHY DID SHE PRESCRIBE THIS TO ME THEN?
I was a little frustrated.  I asked what is wrong with my liver.  "Oh nothing, don't worry I am sure everything is OK"  What? She had just told me about not taking those meds and now it is all OK... my head was spinning....
She looked at my throat and nose and said I have a bad sinus infection.  That I knew.  She gave me Prednisone.  I hate to take it but I don't have a choice if I want to get better.  She also gave me Singulair.  Never taken that one before.  I don't like trying new meds.  I am one of those people who reads the fine prints about all the side effects.  I have not taken it YET.  I will today though. 

Ultrasound for my thyroid is Friday.  After I get the results I might just look for a new Dr.  Nothing worst than not trusting your Dr and this is where I am now.   I am also thinking of trying acupuncture.  I have never tried.  I feel I have nothing to loose.  Do you do acupuncture? Does it work for you? 

A friend of mine is having a huge yard sale for a family in town who lost their mother.  She was diagnosed with uterine cancer and passed away 3 days later.  No warning, nothing.  She had 2 young kids.  It is very sad.

I wanted to give things to help out and so I decided it is time to LET GO of the old me.
If you read this blog you know I have lost over 70 lbs.  I still see me as the old Caro.  I kept the clothes in case I would gain the weight back.  It's looking like it won't happen.  I cleaned my closet and decided to say goodbye to my old clothes.  I tried some on for fun and to show my kids.

This is a skirt size 14.  Not even the biggest one I had.  Will said "No offense Mom but I think you need new clothes!"  No offense?  He is 7 yrs old...where did he learn to say that I don't know.

These are pants size 12.  I had some that were bigger also.

Looking at all the clothes it felt really strange like this part of my life is so far behind.  For me it is hard to believe that I used to wear that stuff and that it was fitting me.
Anyway....I am dropping 4 huge bags off today.
I hope it will help this family a little.

The winner of my Boston Marathon Book Giveaway is.....TERZAH!!!!!
Terzah and I have a rendez-vous in Pasadena in 2 weeks and I will get to give this to her in person!!!!
I  cannot wait!!!!

If  you did not win....you may have another chance later today.  I am going to go see if I can find another copy for a third winner. 

On Loosing 75 lbs and Running

I never did put my training for last week so I am putting it here for my personal records, I know you are all NOT dying to know :)

Mon: 3 miles tempo
Tue: 5 miles at 10k pace
Wed: 3 miles easy
Thu: REST, I went to volunteer at my kids school that day instead of Friday because Friday was off.
Fri: 5 miles HILLS at the Gym.
Sat: 3 miles
Sun: 10k Race
total: 25 miles

So far this week is going good except for warmer weather..of course the cool temps were not going to last...:(
I did all my runs outside and so no HILLS or speedwork this week.  I know all next week will be on the treadmill so I took advantage of outdoor runs for this week.

I found a Turkey Trot! A local one!  I had found 2; one on a trail and I did not want to do that and the other one was 40 miles away..for a 5k I was not convinced.  The one I will do is 10 min away and they have a kids 1k race! 

On my last race report I mentioned that I have now lost 75 lbs and that got me a lot of comments and emails.  First thank you all for the really really nice comments.  You guys know how to make a gal feel good!

I don't talk about my weight loss a whole lot here, I don't want to bore you guys with this.  This week I got some people who asked to see before and after pictures.  Ayayaye...I hate looking at those pictures.  I used to hate having my picture taken. I would try to sit and always ask Bill not to get my legs.   I would always volunteer to be the one taking the pictures. I did found pictures to show you. I have to tell you that, even though I am aware that I do not look the same as I did before, in my head I still see me like the old me.  I still put XL on the registration forms for races and when I go shopping (very rarely!), I still pick up jeans in sizes 16 even though I now need 4 or 6.  OK here we go...

See the size of my thighs and fat knees?
 Good thing Maggie saves the picture here.

I HATE this picture. 

That is Will next to me

I was asked how did I loose 75 lbs.  There was no magic pill.  I changed my diet. A complete 360.  I got sick and developed GI problems.  I had my Gallbladder removed and I have GERD since then.  I used to eat after 8 pm, in front of the TV and a lot of junk food.  Oh yeah the 3 big NO NO all at the same time.  Pizza, Wings, Burgers, Mozzarella Sticks, Chinese take out.  It was not pretty.  Not every day but it was often.  I did not used to eat like this when I was single.  But with Bill we got into these really lazy bad habits.  After the kids I was overwhelmed and I let myself go.   Excuses? Yes 100%.

I am 5'11" and I think it was "easier" to "hide" the extra lbs because I am so tall.   Most people I know tell me NOW that I was not fat.  Yes I was.  Nobody can loose 75 lbs and look "normal" after, without being overweight to begin with.

After my Gallbladder surgery I took all spicy food and fatty food out of my diet. The truth is if I eat that stuff I do get sick.  So far no food is worth it.  I have friends with the same issues and they choose to still eat the junk food once in a while and to deal with the consequences.  It would not kill me  but I made the choice to change my lifestyle.  It is not always easy and it demands a lot of discipline because I do not impose my diet on my family.  I think it was 3 mos after that I started running.  So to answer the person who asked if I lost 75 lbs just with running, the answer is NO.  It is changing my diet AND running.  This was about 40 lbs down and those pants were size 14.

This is me trying on my wedding dress on my 10th wedding anniversary last May

And today I look like this:

 I would never want to go back to how I was before.  I am frustrated with my diet at times because there are things I would like to eat once in a while and I can't because of how it would make me feel.  I do feel stronger and better than I did 10 yrs ago and that is after having 2 kids after turning 35!!! :) I am 42 now and I can run 13.1 miles.  If someone had told me 5 yrs ago that I would run 5 half marathons in 2011 I would have never believed them.

Thank you again for your kind comments and for reading.

-----------------------------------------------

Did you enter my GIVEAWAY? Go here to enter, right now your odds are looking pretty good!

------------------------------------------------

Showing support and week 10 (tic tac tic tac HM coming up)

Week 10...seriously? I am getting a little nervous...we are now in January, my Half Marathon is in January.  When I signed up it was in another year and it seemed so far away and now it is almost here...in 3 weeks at this time I will have done it.  But before that I will turn 26  hmm 42 but who is counting after 40 right?  And I will go see HOOD TO COAST!

Today I ran 5 miles...back at the Gym where they have an insane amount of new members...

WEEK 10:

Mon: Strength and stretch

Tue: 5 miles

Wed: 3 miles or cross:
Thu: 5 miles + strength:
Fri: REST
Sat: 60 min cross
Sun:  9 miles:
total: 22 miles

I love reading all of your blogs, some make me laugh, some teach me new things about running and life, some make me think.

Yesterday I read a post from Janae over at The hungry runner girl and I wanted to post and show some support.  First if you don't follow her you must go over her blog and I am sure you will hit that follow button real quick!  She is always very entertaining and interesting, the girl ran a marathon "by accident" last week...I am not kidding.  If that is not enough to make you a little curious then I give up!   She always has a ton of pictures of delicious food that I cannot even eat (more on that later) and I still read her blog...

She posted yesterday about weight, not lifting weights but her weight.  You can read her post and see what she had to say on the subject. 

I don't have an eating disorder now, in another life when I was in high school I did a little but nothing extreme, I was on the swim team at elite level and being thin was the way to be.  Since I am a dinosaur and high school is so far away..this is not relevant anymore.

Now I do have eating and weight issues. 

I have written about this a little bit in previous posts so I will not go into great details.   In 2009 I was about 75 lbs heavier then I am now.  I also had 2 surgeries, one hysterectomy and a gallbladder removal.  The GB problems were misdiagnosed and caused me to developed severe GERD (acid reflux) and gastritis.  The doctors told me I had a muscle injury and told me to take Advil.  That caused a lot of damages to my stomach and oesophagus.  Between the time I was misdiagnosed and the surgery,  I had lost maybe 25 lbs because I was eating less and less.  At the end I could only eat apple sauce.  I was told that after the surgery I could be back to eating normally.  I had the surgery in November of 2009.  I still cannot eat normally.  I cannot eat any fat or any food that can cause heartburn.  That limits the choice considerably.  So the result of all these boring (sorry) problems combine with me taking on running led to loosing 75 lbs in about 8-9 months. 

I did not want to loose that much weight.  The honest truth is the first 30 lbs had to go.  Nobody can loose that much weight without having some excess to begin with.  I had excess after back to back pregnancies (my boys are 18 mos apart) so I was happy at first.  But not anymore.
I get all kinds of comment that I could do without and this is why I am writing this, to support Janae who was on the receiving end of some negativity.  Nobody needs that.   

I get the comments that people think I want to hear but that are now making me a little sad. Those like "keep it up, great job, I am so proud of you" do they want me to disappear? because if I keep it up I will.  I am 5'11" and I am now size 4 (used to be size....drum roll....16)..I weigh about 135 now according to my Dr I should weigh 155.  Those are just numbers I know..does not take in consideration the frame of the person and activity level.  I also get this and to me it is the worst "Ah I wish I had problems like you so I could loose weight!"  No you don't. It sucks.  I think our society is so focused on sizes that it makes people (women) loose their minds over looks and they are now willing to sacrifice their health to look like the airbrushed picture of the girl they see on the cover of the magazines who cannot stop running stories about magic weight loss of any celebrity who drops some pounds.

Then I get the other kind of comments that I call the negative crap that I don't need.  "you are too skinny"  "you need to eat more of this and more of that" "why do you run so much?"  "are you anorexic?" (from the dentist assistant who barely knows me)  "I can see your spine through your clothes"  "Your face will start to look old" (from dear old dad over Christmas)  "You need to see a shrink" 

The worst is to go out to eat.  At home I know what is OK for me and will not make me sick.  I eat the same things all the time but at least I don't get sick.  It sucks but I have kind of accepted it has to be like this for now anyway.  During the holidays my parents were here to visit.  We went out 4 times.  2 out of 4 places were OK and 2 had nothing for me to eat on their menu.  My first instinct was to not order anything and eat later at home.  At the first place people convinced me to order some blueberry pancakes...so I did.  Big mistake.  The second time it happened I looked at my husband to let him know I would not order and I could tell he was angry (really?) last thing I needed in front of my parents.  He started to suggest stuff from the menu I knew I could not eat without getting sick.  I still said no and I could see him rolling his eyes and getting really annoyed so I caved again and ordered a spinach salad with some dried cherries (hello heartburn) and glazed nuts and a dressing I should not have.  Well that night I was in bed at 7 pm and feeling really ill. 

The next morning I was a little better after a bad night and my parents were concerned and I lost it.   I cried at the breakfast table and I told them all this is not a joke and that I would love to be heavier and be able to eat more things like everyone else but NO FOOD  is worth being sick like this.  I know they all mean well and they want to help but sometimes not saying anything is the way to go. 

Sorry this was so long.
All this to say: "Janae you are not alone".  What matters is to feel as good as we can and to take care of our body as best as we can.  To accept that people come in all shapes and sizes, I have been too big it is not the way to go for sure.  I want to be healthy for my kids that is the only thing I care about.  Balance is key and hard to achieve sometimes.

Before and after-weight loss

They say an image is worth a 1000 words...

BEFORE

NOW

My own son did not recognize me in the before pictures.

santa race-biggest looser and the big battle

Ran 2 miles on treadmill...shins still hurting...worried for Sunday's 10k race.
I got bells for the boys to bring at the Save room for Santa 10k, I am sure my husband will LOOOOVE me!!! ha ha!!!
Got some Chrismastsy socks but not sure I should wear different socks for a 10k...I don't need to get blisters or others kind of pain...we will see, they were $1 so no big deal.

Last night I watched the Biggest Looser.  It was the marathon episode.  Those 4 people should be really proud to have finished it.  The winner was a gal and she did really good.  I have lost more weight then one of the final 4 contestant....does that make me a biggest looser?!!!

Yesterday I went to the taping of the Tonight Show and so I was disconnected from Internet and all the news.  After I came home I saw Elizabeth Edwards on the TV (sound was off) and I told my husband how sad I was that her cancer was winning the battle and he said "she died" and I said "no, no but she will soon and it is just so unfair" and he looked at me and he said "Sweetie, she died today".  I could not believe it.  Just like that she is gone.  This brave woman is gone and her children have to go on without her.  This makes me so sad and furious.  Breast Cancer is what got me running.  My friend fought breast cancer. She is 37 yrs old and she has 2 young kids.  She went through hell and back and as of now she won the battle but in the fight she lost both her breasts and all her hair, but she won the big battle and she will be running, not walking,  the next Susan G Komen race for the cure with me and my team. 
My hope is that one day they will ALL win the battle and leave cancer hanging in the dust.

RIP Elizabeth Edwards.

Do you supplement?

Do you use supplements?  I do.  Most of them because of my weight loss and were strongly recommended by my doctor because blood test showed low numbers.  I take these every day:

I take 1 anti acid, those are the only Rx pills because I have GERD and no more Gallbladder.  The rest are natural supplements.  Omega 3 (2), Cranberry D-Mannose, Probiotics (2 during flu season and 1 the rest of the year), Iron, Vitamin B-12 and Vitamin D.   I need a little pill box to remember to take all these.  Of course I don't take them all at once, I take some at  each meal.

Today I ran 4 miles just like the plan said.  Tomorrow is rest day.  Don't know what to do about Saturday since I am racing Sunday...don't want to have tired legs, it is a challenging course with lots of hills but 2 days of rest...I don't know...maybe light cross training is the solution for Saturday.

Could you eat the same thing every day?

So 2 days off from running...not 100% by choice...yesterday had Dr appointment scheduled during gym time, was ok with it because it was post 10k race day so I figured ok to rest.  I had arranged for childcare for my younger son at his school, went to my appointment only to be told that the Dr was not in and we had to reschedule! Really? They said they called my house to let me know...what happened to calling cell phone #?!!! Had to reschedule for today and this time I had to bring my son with me; not fun.  I had plan to go to the gym right after but I did not plan on waiting in the exam room for over an hour! When I got done, the kids gym was closed!  I was not happy but I have a nasty cold maybe it is better to rest and this was a sign from above to slow down...I choose to believe that!


Ok so back to the main subject of this post...Could you eat the same thing every day?
I do. 
I lost 70 lbs in about 8 months.  In 2009 I had two surgeries.  I had an hysterectomy in April of 2009.  In the fall of that year I started having burning in the chest, I thought I was having a heart attack...turned out it was heartburn.  I also had pain on my right side.  The Dr I had at the time told me to go to the ER thinking I had gallstones..CT showed nothing so they told me it was a muscle spasm and my all time favorite : STRESS! They said to take Advil and YOGA class!  So I went home and started taking Advil, well everything got worst real fast.  It got to a point where I could hardly eat anything, I was in so much pain.  I was loosing weight very quickly.  I changed Dr and my new one ordered a HIDA scan to see if my Gallbladder was working and turned out it was not so I had to have surgery to have it removed.  Taking the Advil had caused a lot of damage to my poor stomach and I developed acid reflux.  A lot of people are cured after the surgery but not me.  I have been on a very strict diet for the last year.  This means no fat, nothing acidic, no alcohol, supposed to be no caffeine but I cannot give that up 100% so I cheat.  I am a prisoner of my diet.  If I cheat, I get sick.  So far no food I tried was worth getting sick! And so I eat the same thing every day.  I eat cereals in the morning, non fat ACTIVA vanilla yogurt and a little cheese with dry toast fir lunch, a salad for dinner.  I can have a little bit of salmon in it or grilled chicken.  It is hard to accept that I cannot eat anything I want like I used to before.  No more pizza! No more lasagna! No cheeseburgers!

Yes it is nice to have dropped some weight, of course.  Obviously if I could loose 70 lbs it means that I was not at an ideal weight.  Now I am under weight for my height (5'11") and that is not all good.  I have to take supplements to make sure I am not anemic.  I went from a size 16 to a size 4.  I used to by size XL now I get S.  This is all very strange to me, I still go for the bigger sizes when I go shopping...old habit I guess.


I got really frustrated with this whole eating situation and running was the only thing to help really.  I feel that with running I can control something with my body.  The first 40 lbs went away because of me getting sick and the last 30 lbs because of the over the top healthy diet I am on combined with running. 
My friends always ask me how I lost so much weight..looking for a magic secret...well I don't have one...I would take some of the pounds back if it meant that I could have a slice of pizza with my kids once in a while!  I have now accepted that this is the way it is for now, I take meds every day to control the heartburn and acid reflux (GERD) but it does not make it ok to eat a larger variety of food. 


Being thinner does help with running and I am in much better shape now then I was in the last 15 years.  I don't eat junk food and I don't drink sodas or alcohol, that is good for my health.  Those are good things, the not so good thing is that I don't have to choice to decide to be "bad" for a day!!!!