Today Speedwork 10 x 400. Last one before my Half Marathon (May 1st). I do these at the gym or today I should say the sauna. When I got there I knew this would not be good. The windows were all foggy, the front door was open, not a good sign. Well I looked at the temperature inside: 89! YIKES! This sucked big time.
I have come to like speedwork (but not at 89 degrees!) I feel like crap at the end, nausea for a few hours after, but during the workout it feels pretty good to push the old body.
So I am supposed to do the repeats at 5k pace, for me would be around 9:30 and I did these at 8:13.
For ME 8:13 is fast. For others it is VERY slow. After 5 repeats I started thinking about some of you who are really fast machines and can go 50 miles at a pace much faster then 8:13 and some of you who are just coming back from a serious hip injury and just ran Boston and were at the half point under 2 hours. I was telling myself between repeats: "You should be able to go faster then that."
Now why do we do this to ourselves? Being so hard on ourselves. I read a lot of blogs. And for the most part we are all like that. We write things like "The goal is to finish, the time does not matter" (most of the time that is a big fat lie) then race day comes and we finish and we are not happy with the time. Well then the goal was not just to finish otherwise we would be happy and content with what we did. Right? For my first half marathon that is what I said, the goal is to finish, it was true, that was the main goal, but I would be a liar if I said there was NO time in my head. There was. Was I happy with my time? On that day I was happy that I finished. That is the truth. Now looking back I am not happy with the time and I want to do a lot better in 10 days and if I don't I will not be happy. How much better is enough though? That is THE million $$ question.
I am a fan of everyone who can run any distance faster then me. I am a fan of everyone who can run a marathon because I have never ran a marathon. I am a fan of people who can accomplish extraordinary things with the same body parts I have or less. My 40 yrs self would be a fan of my 42 yrs old self because at 40 I had not ran a half marathon, heck I could not even run a mile without walking. Is my 42 yrs old self a fan of mine? She should be right? I can run faster, I can run longer. I should be my biggest fan but it is a hard thing to do. It is hard to find the balance (I am not a fan of that word!!) between pushing ourselves to do better and being able to recognized we did something pretty awesome that most people will never accomplish. Last week my long run was 11 miles. It did not go well. It was slower then I wanted, I had to stop and walk a few times. I came home and I was discouraged and my husband said : "How many of our friends can run 11 miles you think? ZERO" PERSPECTIVE.
I posted a video of people finishing the Boston Marathon here . In it some people are really struggling to cross the finish line, some collapsed while others seconds behind them did push ups to celebrate their finish! For me the ones who collapsed showed great determination and will power. It does not disturb me to see these images (not that I enjoy seeing people suffer, of course I don't), but it makes me admire these folks. They pushed their body to the limit. When I finished my Half Marathon, I was one of those people, I had to be "rescued" by a medic. Would I prefer finishing doing a cartwheel? Yes of course (even though I cannot do one!!) ..but I would always choose finishing needing the medic over not finishing at all.