Monday, September 17, 2012

The waiting game

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Today was scan day.
If you have been with me for a while you know what it means so sorry for the repeat....

The short story for those who don't know:
  • I have a tumor in my left kidney.
  • Dr. found it looking for something else almost 3 yrs ago.
  • I cannot have a biopsy on it because it could burst and spread cells and if those cells are the bad kind well it would mean trouble for me.
  • The only way of knowing for sure would be to have a surgery.
  • Tumor is small and so we decided to put surgery on hold and just "keep an eye on it".
  • Every 6 mos I get a scan to measure the tumor.
  • If it grows it would not be a good sign. Cancer cells grow.
  • It has not grown.
  • If it grows I am going under the knife..I am clear on that.  I would not wait.
  • When I found out about the tumor I went in full panic mode.  All I could think about was the C word. 
  • Not knowing if it is malignant or benign is the hardest part. 
  • I choose to believe it is benign. 
  • I usually don't think about it too much now.
  • Except on scan days and for the 3 days I wait for the results.
So I am there today.  I had my scan.  Now I wait until Thursday afternoon.
So far I have only got good results.  Here's to hoping it stays that way.

Now I am well aware that MANY people are way worst than me
This is nothing.  I am not fighting anything.
I also know that I could be walking around and not know I have that thing inside my body. 
I cannot pretend like I don't know though..because well I am a mom and that would be irresponsible. 

So I am nervous  for 3 days...BIG WOOP.

I got a call from Quebec Friday. 
The kind of call that I don't want to get.
One of my dear friend was diagnosed with lymphoma.  He is the nicest guy.  Everyone likes him.  He has 3 kids.  THIS is hard.  THIS is pain.  THIS is war.  THIS is devastating.  THIS is not fair.  THIS is making me really mad and so worried. 

So I wait while HE GETS CHEMO this week.....

Life is a B sometimes...






17 comments:

giraffy said...

I'm sorry to hear about your friend :(. I hope his treatments go well.

Boston Bound Brunette said...

Don't worry about the scan. You are going to be fine and you have to tell yourself that. So far everything has been good and it is going to continue to be that way :) Sorry to hear about your friend. I know what you mean about life being a B! I feel for my Dad every single day and wonder why this has happened to him but his positive attitude keeps me going and keeps me thinking positive.

everydaylivingpnw said...

Dang I hope everything works out for you!

Kate said...

Thinking good thoughts for you and praying for your friend.

Terzah said...

I am so glad that you do the right thing and keep track of this. My feeling is that the news will continue to be good. I'm sorry to hear about your friend....but it's NOT over for him. Sending you lots of good vibes....

Gracie said...

It's so terribly sad when people have cancer. I really can't even take the kids at work with cancer. Too sad. But the good news is that we are truly advancing in treatment technique, so although the treatments are arduous they are often successul.

I'm hoping for excellent news for you this week and a peaceful and worry-free few days.

XLMIC said...

I will definitely be thinking of you AND your friend. I really hope that scan report comes back 'clean' :)

Canuck Mom said...

Sending many prayers your way that your scan goes well. I shared this post with my hubby because he is a histology guy and looks at everything you can imagine every day during the week. He thinks positive thoughts for you.;) I am sorry about your friend. I dislike cancer very much. I have seen too many kids die from it and saw my own father die from it. It is the biggest reason I run.

Jessica (Pace of Me) said...

i am thinking of you and praying for you - and for your friend. sending you so much love, caroline. xxoo

dreambigrunner.com said...

I totally understand your worry and it would be irresponsible not to worry, that would mean you wouldn't care. I hope this scan turns out good as well. I'm sorry about your friend! Last week, a co worker past away, brain tumor. It was so fast, she found out only 4 months ago,went from the doc to the hospital and never went back home. It's so tragic and made me realize to live life right now, don't wait for anything. If you really want something, do it now.

Elizabeth said...

thinking of you as you wait. i really hate the C word. i’m over it. your friend is the 3rd person in a week that i have heard about. i’m so sorry. i do hope his treatment goes well. hugs.

Christina said...

I went through a scare 2 years ago with my pancreas (a 'flare up') and of course I immediately envisioned pancreatic cancer and started mentally preparing my will. The health scares can be so mind-debilitating at times. 99% of the time, most scares are just that, only scares, and turn out to be nothing. I'm sure yours is just one of those nuisance scares and will be just strange growth that means nothing. I tend to think as we all age, we all start getting strange growths that are usually meaningless. Hang in there during the 3 days wait and you will be just fine!

Darlene said...

fingers and toes crossed.

Carrie Skoll said...

I am so sorry about your friend. I'm thinking about you while you wait and hoping for only good news.

Colleen said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Cancer sucks. It's awful. And I'm keeping you in my thoughts that the scan went okay! Sending you a big hug!

Laura said...

So sorry about your friend. Cancer bites.
Hoping for all clear info this afternoon for you!

lindsay said...

i did not know this story! crazy. and scary, but i am glad you are ok so far... i have to catch up on my blog reading but i hope thursdays results were good!!